Are You Sure You Show Respect?
This is probably the most challenging section I have read so far. I would like to believe that I show respect to those around me, and it would break my heart to know or hear that I do not show others respect. I try so hard to keep people happy and feeling good about life no matter how crappy things may be going.
In this chapter, they challenge you to talk to many people in your life in regards to what your doing that is respectful and what you do that may be viewed as disrespectful.
Step 1: Collect feedback from 10 people (family, friends, coworkers). Ask for positive examples of your best behavior...when and how they've seen you treat people well. The book recommends using Wordle.net to identify themes in what you are told. Look for patterns in what people say (who, what, when,where,how) are you at your best.
Step 2: Collect feedback from colleagues on what you are doing that is respectful and also on how you can improve. Talk to those who want the best for your and the best for your organization. Include verbal and non-verbal ways that you demonstrate civility and how you may be uncivil with others.
Step 3: Once you have narrowed down the areas that you want to improve on, develop a plan for growth and change. Communicate that plan and ask for feedback on how best to apply your plan in your workplace. Only ask for 2 suggestions from others on how to accomplish your goal. Do not respond or defend yourself. Encourage creativity, listen, write down their ideas, thank them, and move on to the next person.
Step 4: Keep accountable with your team. Let them know what you're trying to change and give them an opportunity to give you feedback on how you are getting better (or not getting better) at respecting your team.
Step 5: This one will ultimately be the hardest part. I'm good at starting personal development...just not good at staying at it and being consistent and following through for myself. The book recommends keeping a journal and writing down the people, places, and situations in which you have shown respect. It also recommends writing down what situations, people, and places make you angry....I'm afraid I'd be writing forever on this one. I'm full of a lot of anger these days. The book also recommends to keep in mind energy levels or times of day...that maybe those affect your ability to be civil with others.
I'm scared to do this...I'm really afraid of what people will say...or more likely what they won't say. I've noticed that a lot of people are not being truthful with others...especially at work, and I don't understand why that is. I feel like I would be missing important information if I try to ask anyone this information now.
So...to get myself moving on this journey of self-development in emotional intelligence, I'm going to start with my list of 10 and slowly start asking these questions of each person.
HBR Guide to Emotional Intelligence Chapter 5, page 43-49
